July 15th, 2008

got my heart

Helpless is the most gut wrenching feeling at times.

I hate seeing someone I love cry. I hate the fact more that I'm standing there and I can't do anything about it. I can't make the pain go away, click their eyes dry with my thumb and middle finger.

I feel guilty when I cry. Not for the situation but because someone I love is hurting enough to cry.

My mum hardly ever cries but tonight, right now she's crying and when I asked her if she wanted a hug, she wanted to be alone.

I don't even know why I wrote this here. To get it out maybe? Somewhere that it can't hurt anyone else?

Being an only child and not having friends I can turn to can be hard sometimes. I mean, being an only child has it's advantages when it comes to Christmas... :D But when you need a brother or a sister to talk to they're not there.

I'm sitting here 5 rooms away and there's nothing I can do but sit 5 rooms away wondering which my chest and stomach twisting in knots... It hurts and I can't handle the fact that my mother is probably hurting quadripple that.